Dust
by Maximum55Fan
Summary: Faith comes to a realization, with the help of Emily
1. Default Chapter

My partner is a pretty good looking guy.

No, really. I mean it. He is.

I get it. I'm not blind. He's got a great body, really gorgeous, intense blue eyes, a killer smile with dimples like you wouldn't believe, and dark hair that gets the most unruly and adorable curls when it gets a little too long. Hmmmmmm. Well anyway, what I _don't_ get is how he is as popular with the fairer sex as he is. In spite of his looks, he's annoying as hell.

He is, without a doubt, the most obnoxious, arrogant, cocky, opinionated, jackass I've ever met. 

Mind you, I don't necessarily have the same perspective on him as the majority of the female population. I am a card carrying member of a very exclusive club: I am a woman Maurice Boscorelli has not put the moves on. I'm his partner, his back, his friend. As such, I've never really been exposed to a full out onslaught of Boscorelli charm. I've seen him in action a few times at Haggarty's - it appears to be impressive. And since Bosco is genetically programmed to flirt with the human female, I have on occasion been privy to low level doses of flirtation from him - a raised eyebrow, a suggestive smile. Mild, really, and harmless, like a minor sunburn - makes you a bit hot and uncomfortable, but you'll survive, with a mental note to be better prepared next time.

At least that's how it is for me. Hasn't always been, though. You see, the first day I met Bosco, I fell for him and I fell _hard _. There was an audible thud, I'm sure. I mean, I was speechless. I had never been affected by a guy like that in my life -– haven't been since, either including my husband.

Ah, yes my husband. For about 15 seconds, I forgot all about him. But, lucky for me, I have a little helper whose sole mission in life is to keep my husband firmly in place as the only man in my life, a little ""hormonal housekeeper" as I call her. One look at Bos and my housekeeper swung into action. She swooped in, snatching up that image of Bosco that was burning itself into my subconscious, just as if he were a mischievous little puppy (he really he can be at times), tucked him into a corner and barricaded him in, surrounded by barbed wire and landmines marked in flashing red letters, labelled "MARRIED"" and "HEARTBREAKER"".

Over the years the barricades were strengthened with walls of cement labeled ""PARTNER"" and ""FAMILY". Stronger foundations and locks were added, under the markers of ""TRUST"" and "BEST FRIEND". Gradually, these barricades were reinforced and re-reinforced to the point that any thought of Bosco as other than my partner was securely under lock and key. Oh, that little puppy did try to scramble out of its corner on the odd occasion. The first few years, it would be that smile that would make my pulse race a bit and send my little housekeeper into overtime. Then gradually, my immunity improved and it took bigger, more intimate and personal things to bring that puppy scratching at the walls, trying to get out. Confessions of me being the only one he had, letting my husband beat the crap out of him when I was hurt helping him, throwing himself in front of four bullets for me - – yeah, those things got my attention. But my housekeeper was nothing if not diligent and that little puppy would be rapped on the nose with a rolled up paper and tucked back into his corner.

Bosco himself helped her out on many occasions, with his ongoing ability to supremely piss me off. Over the years, he lied to me, let me down, disappointed me, broke our trust. Sleeping with Cruz? That put a two story addition on the fortress, all on its own. But somehow, we'd always put it back together, and while it made our relationship stronger, it added steel beams to those walls.

The fortress that frisky puppy lived in had become so strong, so solid that it didn't even totter when the solid concrete foundation of ""MARRIAGE"" was yanked out from underneath it. The keystone of ""PARTNER"" went next and still it stood. But there were cracks. I could sometimes sense they were there, and I could hear that the puppy barking, trying to get my attention, to let it out. But my efficient little housekeeper was nimbly zipping about, busily patching things up everywhere. She seemed to be winning the battle.

I had no idea that I was about to lose the war.

The ammunition was four little words, launched by one of my own, my daughter.

She brought the whole thing down with four simple words; "You could date Bosco""

I choked on the dust from my fortress crumbling around me.


	2. Dust Chapter 2

I blamed it on the pizza.

Emily and I were eating dinner, although as usual it was way past dinner time. I don't know what I was thinking; believing that being a detective would give me better hours. I was actually working more hours, under more stress, and still faced the daily risk of being shot. I'm sure there was an upside –- I did get to wear normal clothes, which was a nice - but really, I had expected more.

So here it was, 9:30 on a Friday night and I had just gotten home. We were chatting about my day, she was trying to convince me that this new guy who'd asked her out for the tomorrow night didn't have a police record, wasn't likely to have one in the near future and was really, really cute and popular and like, should be _totally_ okay. I have to say, this single-parent-with-dating-teen-stuff is hard. Way harder than anything I'd faced in my 13 years as a cop. Give me a good old foot chase or tackling a perp any day.

We were munching away and she had been pretty silent for almost 5 minutes. That should have given me a clue, that something was up, but me and my little housekeeper were enjoying our pizza.

She had apparently decided on a different tactic in getting her way. ""Mom, do you think you'll ever start dating?"

I wasn't surprised by her question –- it had crossed my mind too. But along with the many things I'd learned since my divorce (I liked sprawling across the whole bed to sleep, I hate man stuff cluttering up my space and my daughter has grown into pretty cool young lady), I'd also learned my job is not conducive to dating. For some odd reason, most guys are very threatened by a woman with a gun. And the only guys who typically aren't typically also carry guns, and I really didn't want to date another cop. While my marriage to Fred had never been great, I relished being able to turn off the Job while I was at home. Or at least turn it down a bit –- truthfully, a cop is never off the Job. Which is another big part of why dating is so friggin'' hard. A part of a cops brain never lets it go, never stops being watchful, waiting... not trusting anything you see or what people say. Other cops and particularly your partner become your only support network, the only ones you really trust.

So given the litany of reasons I had as to why dating is damn near impossible, I hadn't really given it tons of thought. And frankly since the divorce, I haven't had time. Between spending the better part of year at my partner's bedside as he recovered from being shot _while saving my life_, - and then working ever increasingly impossible hours as a detective, it wasn't likely to become a big issue on my personal agenda any time soon. I said so to Emily, that it just wasn't likely to happen in the near future and laid out the list of reasons. I should have suspected something was up when she came back so quickly with her ""suggestion".

"You could date Bosco"

Her words echoed in my brain as I fought for breath, only slightly muffled by the faint moaning coming from my housekeeper as she lay trapped beneath the rubble. My choking fit distracted Emily, keeping her busy for a couple of minutes getting me water, patting my back, being a good little daughter, which should have been sign number two that she was up to something. I recovered fairly quickly but kept up with the coughing a bit longer, hoping that enough time had gone by and that she had forgotten what we were talking about. But Em really is her mother's daughter - tenacity and stubbornness are as natural as breathing.

"So what do you think, Mom?""

""About what?" I feigned innocence, as the housekeeper started flinging rubble clear, digging her way free.

"Moooommm"" Serious eye rolling ""What we were just talking about – - you know, Bosco, your uber-hot EX-partner!"

Lovely. My daughter thinks my partn...excuse me, _EX-partner_...…is hot. Can this night get any worse?

"Although you know on second thought, dating probably isn't right for you guys" Damn straight, end of topic.

"You've already basically been a couple for 13 years, it would seem sort of anti-climatic"…" Anti-climatic? What's she been reading? Cosmo?

"You should probably, just like, move in together, get married…" Ah. Splendid. It can get worse. My housekeeper who had finally managed to stagger to her feet, swooned like a Southern belle.

I almost joined her.

I'm not sure what happened for the next few seconds. I may have sort of blacked out. Whatever happened, I must have looked bad enough to cause Emily some concern. She had jumped up again, and was shaking my shoulder. "Mom, mom –- are you okay?"

_Oh yeah, just great Em, really enjoying this lovely talk were having. You've just completely blown up my world and you've killed my housekeeper. I'm good, thanks. _

"I'm, umm, I'm fine, Em. Really, I was thinking of something else and didn't hear what you said..." Whoops - wrong thing to say.

"I said that I think you and Bosco, you know, need to officially get together!" Her concern had given way to disgust as only a teenager can do it. The way she said ""officially"" caught my attention, and I questioned her before I could stop myself.

""What do you mean "officially"?"" _God Faith, stop talking!_ This was quickly going from bad to something akin to a nuclear holocaust.

"Well I mean, come on, Mom. I've seen you guys together all these years. I heard the fights between you and dad. I've seen you look at each other, the way you carry on entire conversations without saying a thing. You guys are seriously deep into each other. It's pretty cool actually. I hope I find a love like that someday, somebody who loves me that way. You guys are like, role models."

My housekeeper had fallen into a pit of quicksand and was going under.

"Em, don't be ridiculous, he's my part-"" "Not any more he's not""

""Yes, I know that""_ Thank you for the reminder._ ""What I mean is that there has never been anything between us, no love and stuff. You have to be close to your partner, you are putting their life in their hands every-"" As I started my litany by rote, my housekeepers head bobbed to the surface and with an exemplary show of strength, grabbed the branch I was holding with my words and started pulling herself clear. Emily interrupted me.

"Blah, blah, blah,- yes, MOM, I am aware of all that. And I'm pretty sure you've always believed it. You both probably did at one time. But mom, come on. It's just not true. You two literally burn when you are around each other. It's -– well, it's pretty amazing to see."" She smiled a little at me.

Oops, one housekeeper, going under for the last time.

"Emily, I'm not sure what you think you see…..."

"Well, it doesn't matter what I see, or that everyone else does too, for that matter, does it?"" She looked down, a sad little smile playing on her lips. "I'm just worried that you two never will"…"

Hot damn, she was good. Stopped me cold. Everyone else? What? Like who? Huh? Other people thought this too? Whaaa...

I was incoherent. My housekeeper, in a last ditch effort to save herself, had apparently grabbed a hold of my tongue. Emily took my silence as agreement or at least realization and her little smile turned a bit smug.

Of course, exactly at that moment, I heard a key in the lock – _oh, God, please be Fred, please be a burglar, please be any one but…..._ ""Hello ladies"" Bosco bounced into the room.

Ladies and gentlemen, Frisky Puppy is in da house...


	3. Dust Chapter 3

Bosco is used to seeing a lot of things in the Yokas household, having been basically a part of the family for many years. My ex-husband drunk? _Check._ My teenage daughter OD'ing on drugs? _Check_. Family fights? _Check_. Me coming out my bedroom half dressed when he came to pick me up for work I swear it was an accident, Madame Housekeeper._ Check_. Not to mention, I'm sure he'd seen just about everything in his 13 years as a cop. And I can't even imagine all the mind-numbing things his lady friends had shown him over the years

True, he'd actually been around more in the early years of our partnership but during his recuperation and my divorce, he had been here a lot. Like, really a lot - it looks like he's practically moved in here. Geez, there is man-stuff all over my place again. How did this happen? I looked around - Bosco's presence was stamped all over my tiny apartment. There was some sort of car magazine on the coffee table, a set of weights sat in the corner, one of his dress shirts hung on the ironing board, his off-duty revolver resting on the shelf over the TV. Apparently, he even had his own key now. _Key? When the hell did that happen?_ I shot Emily a look, as I tried to re-focus on the events at hand - she looked away, feigning innocence. Oh, yeah, she'd had a plan all along. She and the housekeeper must have waged one hell of a war.

However, the sight of both Yokas woman completely silent was evidently a first time occurrence for Bosco. He froze, just inside the door, looking nervously between the two of us. He seemed to sense something was up, and starting moving nervously towards the kitchen table. He moved slowly and carefully, the way we were taught to move at police college when we're in an uncertain situation and get around unstable and possibly violent people.

"Umm, am I interrupting something?" Neither of us spoke - me still stunned, Emily still smug.

"Hey Bosco. Nope, not interrupting a thing. But Mom here was just telling me she wanted to ask you to help her out with something. Right, Mom?" Her grin went from ear to ear.

Wow. Nice touch. She is pure evil. I am raising the spawn of Satan.

"unnnhh…." My tongue was still apparently being held prisoner by my poor beleaguered housekeeper. Animal noises were all that I was capable of.

"Sure, Faith. Whatever you need…"

The housekeeper screamed and let go, as she was knocked flying by my eager puppy, finally free. He'd waited a long time for his freedom and he was raring to go.

Wait. Where's the puppy? _What the hell happened to my puppy? _Something's wrong here...puppies are cute and cuddly and everybody loves them...except when they are little beasts with sharp little teeth, just waiting to hurt and draw blood, and don't pay attention to what you say or want, and are just totally fixated on getting all the fun they can out of life, never worrying about who they hurt or the mess they leave behind...

_Wait a second- is that really what I thought of Bosco? Is that what I've been hiding from all these years? _My housekeeper started to get up – _Just a minute here, lady -_ I placed my hand on the back of her head and pushed her back down, placing my foot in the middle of her back, forcing her still. Just wait a second here, let me think about this, this isn't right, something's wrong here...

All of a sudden, the pictures of the life I had lived shifted before me. You know what I mean, like that machine they use when they exam your eyes? And you look through it and it's kind of blurry but not too bad? And then they shift the little thingys, and it gets a little better. And, and then they change it again, and it's a little better still. And you're thinking, you know, okay this is pretty good, this is how I see and its fine, and then…then they flip it one last time, and you just...you just had no idea you could see that clearly. You had no idea that's what your world really looked like...

Yeah, so that's what happened. One second, I'm looking at Bos and all I can see is that stupid, little puppy that I just knew was going to hurt me, was going to run away from me, was going to break my heart if I loved it too much. So I couldn't, I couldn't love it too much, you know? So I had to let him be kept away for his own good...for my own good. And then...damn, damn, damn it. It all changes, my vision changes and I see him. And I'd been so wrong about this man. Oh my God, I'd never seen this man. He wore the pain and heartbreak of the past year on his face, and it made him beautiful. The maturity and anguish that had been forced upon him wrapped him in a serenity that soothed me. He was the knight in shining armour he tried so hard to convince the world he really wasn't. I was so fixated on the past, so worried about my present, I couldn't see my future. But he was there all along, I just couldn't see him, my vision had been blurred.

Crap. Okay, I've stopped breathing. Whoa, vertigo. Combined with the rapidity of the shifting images that surrounded me, I buckled at the knees. He was at my side immediately, arm around my waist, supporting me. As I sank to the chair, I sat squarely on my housekeeper. I think I've killed her.

Good.


	4. Dust The End

"You okay, Faith? Bosco was crouched beside me, hand resting at my waist.

"Uhhh, stood up too fast, or something…I guess" I shifted experimentally, trying to gauge the status of my squashed housekeeper. Nothing. Maybe I'd really done it. I'd killed her. I was flying solo here…

"Okay, well just relax for a sec" He stood up, putting his hand on and squeezing my knee as he turned and lowered himself into the chair across from me, not noticing the self-satisfied little smile Emily shot across the room at me. He reached for a slice of the now-cold pizza. _When did I start ordering an extra large pizza for just Em and I? _

"So what do you need, Faith?" Emily's snort of laughter bounced across the room. I shot her a look as she slapped her hand over her mouth, but she made no real effort to cover her laughter. She mumbled something; all I could make out was "going... room" and took off down the hall. Bosco looked up after her, puzzled. He and Emily had become pretty good friends in the past months, but he wasn't keen on looking to closely into the mysterious ways of teenage girls. I think on some level, all men still have a teenage boy living inside of them, still frightened by inner workings of the mind and body of a teenage girl. He chose to ignore her sudden exodus and kept on eating.

"Bos..." He up looked at me expectantly. I had no idea what to say next. In spite of he and I sharing the most intimate details of our lives over the past years, this was light years beyond where the boundaries of our safety zone lay. Apparently, I could tell my partner about my abortion, about how often my husband and I did it, and my deepest fears about losing my kids, but I couldn't tell him about the new boy I had a crush on.

_Nice Faith – why don't you start giggling and playing with your hair. _

Housekeeper? Is that you? You still alive in there? Hello? Nope, must have just been some sort of knee-jerk, Pavlovian echo.

I dropped the strands of hair I had twisted around my finger - _I wasn't playing with it!_ - Okay, Faith. You're a big girl, you're a New York City police officer, come on, you can ask your partner…you can ask him…huh…

That's just it, isn't? Ask him what, exactly? Emily had had kind of a point. Going on a date would seem well, anti-climatic.

_I don't think the term anti-climatic would ever apply to Bosco. _I clapped my hand over my mouth as a giggle threatened to explode. Oh man, if this is the sort of thinking that my hormonal housekeeper had been protecting me from, I was in **serious **trouble.

These thoughts raced through my mind as Bosco continued to stare at me expectantly, a slight smile forming on his lips.

_Ohmygod _- I had just told him everything. I closed my eyes and dropped my head into my hands. I was so flustered I had forgotten to hide. I forgot how we could carry on conversations just using our body language, the shift of our eyes, the tilt of our heads saying all we needed. We were good at it. Really, really good. Like, no need-for-actual-words-I'll-just-figure-it-out-from-my-partner-here-by-osmosis-good. I typically knew what he was thinking at least 7 seconds before he did. And it worked in reverse. Especially if we were both paying attention at the time, you know, watching each other, tuned in the way partners are - and just now, he'd been watching me like I was the Oracle, about to reveal the meaning of life. Odds were good the internal debate I'd been having for the past 15 seconds or so had just played across my face like a movie, sub-titles conveniently added for those fluent only in Boscorelli-ese. I stayed slouched over, as if I was still a little dizzy.

_No, I am a lot dizzy. _

I looked up – directly into the eyes of my partner, leaning into me, about half a breath closer than skin.

"Hey" Red alert!

"Hey"

"What's going on. Faith?" He asked softly, reaching up to push the hair that had fallen in my face away_...All the better to see you with… _

Oh man, this was not good.

_Wanna bet? What? _

This was the very dangerous, ConcernedBosco, the I-am-Worried-About-You Bosco. I had always been vulnerable to this Bosco

_Maybe because he was the real one?_

_Yeah, maybe_.

Even when housekeeper was alive, she'd had a hell of a time keeping me safe from ConcernedBosco.

Maybe she's not really gone - _um, hello, housekeeper? Ms. hormonal housekeeper, ma'am? Please come back, I'm scared… _

_Might as well just head for the bedroom. _

_Who keeps putting this stuff in my head? _

I swear I heard giggling; it seemed to be coming from the direction of my daughters bedroom. Hmmm, that was interesting. Maybe my daughter had staff, too. I could envision impish little pixies - slipping a key to my apartment into Bosco's pocket, making room on my shelves for his stuff, playfully tugging at the gauzy veil that had been clouding my vision for years, teasing me with glimpses of the Bosco that my housekeeper had worked so hard to keep from me and finally, set loose on me by my daughter, to pull it clear…

Pixies. I could work with this…_okay, kids, lead on_…

"Do you want to go see a movie or something" Well there it is, no going back now. Bosco and I never did anything of a really social nature together, just the two of us. We did stuff with other cops, our families, other people – my housekeeper allowed me that. But just the two of us? Un-huh. Yesterday, if he had asked me, I would have been freaked out. Hell, I was freaked out just saying it. But now? I have new staff, helping me out.

Bosco just stared at me for a what seemed like three full revolutions of the earth around the sun and then he smiled – Lord Jesus, the full-monty Bosco smile, the one I'd seen flashes of at the women he was trying to charm, flashes that had, even at their deflected voltage, left me tingling and burning at a slightly higher wattage, just for a bit.

"Sure" Okay, see that wasn't so bad. Maybe there was something to what Em had been saying. Maybe there was something to see, something that others did see. Maybe something that Bosco had seen, too. Funny - maybe his occasionally blurred vision had allowed him to see more clearly than me. His smiled seemed to indicate he was on board with this. Let's see…

"Or maybe something to eat…"

"Sounds good." He put down the pizza he was eating and moved forward, sliding into a crouch in front of me and putting his hands on my knees.

"We could just go for a walk..." I was starting to grin back, as I put my hands over his, and twined our fingers together.

"I'm there. Whatever. You name it, it's yours."

"Bosco" Oh, fun. Flirting with Bosco…

"What?"

"You said, I name it, it's mine, so I said 'Bosco' "

Whoa, I'd better be careful with the powers bestowed on me by my new found friends. I'm going to hurt something here. The smile on his face changed, becoming a bit dangerous, a lot sexy. His pupils dilated until there wasn't anything but black visible– very, very hot black. There was a sudden intensity radiating from him that had a tangible energy. If I looked, I was sure I could see it burning across my skin.

"Careful what you wish for, Faith" _Oh boy -_ _thank you little pixies, thank you… _

"Why, you going to start granting wishes now" _How'm I doing, pixies? _

"Tell you what, you tell me your three wishes, I'll see what I can do…"

Yeah, right. I was blushing just thinking of my three wishes. I sure wasn't going to say them, especially with pixies belonging to a 17 year old girl fluttering about.

Okay, so I likely didn't have to actually articulate my three wishes to him. He seems to be a quick study in this area - he probably had them figured out, prioritized and organized in order of preference and cross-referenced into wish-granting criteria based on preferred location, anticipated duration and required equipment.

"Why don't we just start walking, see where it goes. You know, one step at a time…"

We stayed where we were, continuing to stare at each other. Apparently the pixies could stop time. As I looked into his eyes, I swear I saw the beginning of time and of life…_my life_…

Just over his head, movement caught my eye. Emily's bedroom door opened and she peeked out. She gave me a quick thumbs up and went back in, closing the door behind her. Bosco and I may have sat there for days, just grinning like idiots, but the sound of her door brought him out of his reverie. Pulling me to my feet with him, he stood and headed towards the door, walking backwards, never letting go of my hands or breaking eye contact, the pixies steering him around tables, chairs, scattered debris on the floor.

As he helped me into my coat, I lifted my scarf and wrapped it around his neck, pulling him closer into me.

Oh, man, this is going to be so much fun...


End file.
